Category: Dating and Relationships
What do you guys think of the idea of meeting somebody purely as a friend first and seeing if it grows into a relationship. That's what happened to me and I'm in a very happy situation right now. When I was younger and looking, it seemed I was looking too hard and wanted too much too soon. Yes, I made many female friends and I was OK with that, but at the time I wasn't always happy with just that and although I think I was likeable, I wasn't seen as interesting enough to date. Looking back, I think my own neediness and desperation turned people away who could have been interested. Coming to that conclusion has taken experience, which I lacked at the time. So I would say don't be afraid to just make friends with people of whatever gender you're interested in dating. I get the impression that many people are convinced that, for example, if you're a guy, it's OK to have a pack of male friends to hang with, but women are strictly meant for sex and relationships. I say there's nothing wrong with having friends of both genders or even preferring one to the other and forget what society thinks.
First of all, I totally think it's fine to have friends of the opposite gender. In fact, I believe that a relationship should begin as a friendship. Your partner should be, in most respects, your best friend. All the qualities that are necessary for a successful friendship are also necessary for a successful friendship. I've been researching the mal/female friendship topic alot lately for my gender psych class, and I find it interesting that most ppl prefer friendships of the opposite gender for one reason or another. There's alot more to it than that, but that's just the basics.
agree whole-heartedly. I never never could understand ppl for just rushing into relationships hardly really having got to know the person as a friend first. .. I mean that just leads to total loss when the relationship breaks up cos there's no background friendship, just a lot of anger and hostility based on the relationship breakup.
I think it's interesting to find out most people seem to prefer making friends with people of hte opposite gender. I used to think the opposite was the norm, where you mostly had same-gender friends, but perhaps that's only onTV? Hahahaha, not sure.
I have never in my life particularly gone out and did things specificly to get my self a girlfriend. I personally just don't believe in it. To me, it's more important to develop friendship and trust in the girl and then try to develop that in to a relationship. That's why I don't believe in clasic type of dating, be it on the internet, dating agencies, bars, clubs, anywhere...I, like I said recently in another topic on here, believe in spontanious things. I think if people go out and specificly look for girls, it's their aim to find a girl. Because of that they try to impress, often it doesn't work partly because they're under pressure and partly because they can be over confident and present them selvs in a different way than they would be in just a normal sircomstance. I think a lot of people, on those dates or if they're out to find them selvs a partner, because that's what they're looking for, just simply don't behave naturally because of the pressure and expectations, also they can be nervious, all depending on the character. Both things, being overly confident or nervious can create a wrong impression and even possible turn off for the person they're trying to atract. As I said, I've never in life went out to look for girls in the way that I'd go out for the night and say "hey tonight I got to find a girl", nor have I ever been a member of any dating agencies or anything like that. I know some people, which shell remain nameless, that came on the zone specificly to find a girl. My personal opinion is that it's sad. Sure, if I meet someone on here and I get to like them and that turns in to relationship, good, but it's not my aim of being here, if I get to like someone from here, then it's through me talking to them, creating a very good friendship, enjoying each other company, not because I set out to find a girl. It's interesting what was mentioned earlier that people prefere to have friends of opposite sex, yet I know of quite a few men who think that men who have a lot of girl friends are regarded as "sad, wimps" ETC... So, I agree with most what was said on here so far, a relationship without a good friendship can't really work. Why did most of my relationship break up and happened to be unsucesfull, I don't think is because I wasn't a friend with those girls, but rather I had impression that we were friends, some people are very good at prettending to be good friends and girlfriends for that matter for their own interest, I guess that taught me a lesson and now I'm a lot more carefull, but of course that doesn't mean that I'll never trust any girl or that I give up with girls, just that those bad experiences taught me a lot and maybe make me believe even more that to have a good girlfriend she does need to be a very good friend more than anything else.
I think that's the way to build a solid relationship. A lot of relationships are focussed on physical appearance and 'crushes'. When you fall in love with a friend, you love him or her for what he or she is. You love their personality. Matching personalities are the only way to build a long lasting relationship, in my opinion.
Myr
I'd say its the best way to discover if you are mature enough to take the pressure and commitment of a real full on relationship,my partner and i began as friends after having our fingers royaly burned in previous relationships,and luckily we were able to put all that behind us and start again.
I find it most interesting that the overwhelming number of people say they want to be friends first but they somehow wind up rushing into every relationship they've ever been in. I personally totally agree with the friends first thing because I think that is the only way to truly set up happiness. Having said that, I, in spite of how much I like the idea of friends first have jumped into shit way sooner than I should have in the past. I did that in my current relationship and we have somehow made it through the last two and a half years with very little trouble. We have managed to become good friends through it all. I'm not debunking the friends first thing with that, I'm only saying I got pretty damn lucky.
i have been in a few relationships, most of which with guys I barely knew as friends before I dated them, and they generally lasted a few months, or years before exploding in to a big disaster, or disappearing in to thin air.
i always told myself i wanted to be with a man who I trusted, and with someone who was my friend first.
Now, I am in a relationship with a man who I trust implicitly, and who I know would never ever hurt me ententionally. We were great friends before getting together, and now he is my best friend.
There is absolutely nothing i wouldn't tell him, or trust him with.
I agree, you must start out as friends first then go from there. As for gender friends, most of mine are female. I feel that females make better friends because they listen better and understand better especially when it comes to listening and understanding. At least that is what my experience has been.
Troy
The basis for a solid relationship has to be friendship and trust. The rest, the physical bit, is only secondary, although it initially seems to be the most important part, that passion, that need to always be together, does not last, and when that becomes less important, there has to be something else to fall back on, otherwise the relationship has no chance of lasting. I do think though that a lot of people jump to conclusions if people of the opposite sex have strong friendships, and automaticaly assume there is more to it which is not always the case. It would be true to say that people who are friends are not always sleeping together, but people who sleep together are not always necessarily good friends. One thing to consider though would be the fact that, if you start a relationship with someone who is perhaps your best friend, if that relationship doesn't work out for any particular reason, more often than not, the friendship is lost as well, because you can't go back to the way things were before.
I think that's the only right way.